I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize