and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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