I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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