Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
