M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize