sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
