Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize