remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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