You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I need to stop coming to work sober
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
