dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
