I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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