You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
