He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
