if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
