Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
