I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
