i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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