walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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