This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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