ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
