I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
