dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Randomize
