This is not my ceiling
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize