i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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