im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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