I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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