Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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