so explain again why im purple
no
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
