My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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