Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
