his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
