He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
whose parrot is this?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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