I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
