they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My Higher Power is John Stamos
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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