Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
