i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
