Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
