then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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