im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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