im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
