Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
