last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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