I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize