Dual....:-)
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
