i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I am naked and annoyed.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
