Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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