Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
