I smell stomach acid.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Well I just put wine in my tea
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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