you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
