She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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