I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
