How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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