when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
