know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
