The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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