Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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