Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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