I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
