Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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