WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
