I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
