Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
