Don't you send me to vm
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
BRING THE BAGELS
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
