Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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