And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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