She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
