Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
