my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
